Good Morning LA...

Yesterday I rushed between two cities- fresh from a 4 pitcher of beer night with friends and very little sleep. The nervousness was replaced with anticipation and a glass of anxiety. I was now in the final moments of moving from Orange County to Los Angeles. A move I'll admit I contemplated many times in my life- but never thought it would happen. As fate has it though- here I am, tired as all hell and in the passenger side of a Mini Cooper zipping up to my new zip code.

Most of my life has been carefully and strategically packed into two large trunks I purchased one weekend in Pasadena- now they are fully functional and not simple aesthetics to my old dwelling. I only chose what I needed and the rest is in storage, quite a feet for me if anyone has ever sen my closet. 

Im sharing an apartment for now with a friend of mine till I can afford something on my own- so needless to say space is an issue. I feel like Im back in college in a dorm- but older and wiser. My friend and I get along on so many levels,  so Its nice to have her here. It will make acclimating to the city easier and more enjoyable. 

My first night here,  I was overwhelmed with so many feelings. A mixture of excitement, sadness and anticipation. I cant wait to start my new job and get into the groove of things. But there is a feeling of sadness that lingers for the people I will miss, the places I grew accustomed to and the "comfort" I had with the predictability. But- thats why Im here. The box that I stood in, no longer could hold my dreams  and I am positive that life has a bigger plan for me. So although the fear of starting something new is present- the drive to be a bigger, better person - "someone" - is a stronger feeling. 

Last night a symphony of new city sounds rocked me to sleep. It was an orchestra of alley cats, cars, and what seemed like an amazing party across the street, they all were in complete harmony. A serenade that welcomed me to the city. 

I woke up this morning to a familiar sound of birds chirping outside and a kind layer of suburbia, similar to my old place. As I rubbed my eyes and crawled out of bed, reality sunk In and breathed in a deep breath of calm and determination. 

I am here for a reason and I will once again prove to the world what I am made of. 

Good morning LA, It's great to be here.

Moving

Well the clock has been counting down on my final days here in Orange County. I have spent the last week packing ever so slowly and today It was full steam ahead. I received confirmation on my new job and my new place in LA. So everything is set...including all my Vans!

I got to thinking about how many times I have moved and packed in my life and Its pretty ridiculous. I'm not sure if its even normal, but as I (yet again) strained to lift another box of stuff to the "done" area, I was suddenly hit with flashbacks & an overwhelming sense of melancholy.

You see, I believe packing is very symbolic and quite emotional.

There you are, with great hesitation- trying to put everything in your house into boxes. You take frames and clothes and plates and ever so gently pack them up to move, or even worse, off to a storage unit. Where they will be forgotten like foster children- waiting for the day they are once again "good enough" to be part of life as you live it. 

As you are packing you start to take inventory of what you have collected, how you have added on and what must be thrown away.

My how you have changed you ask yourself, stumbling onto some old yearbook or pictures of you with old friends. So much time has gone by and here you are...reflecting. 

Did you do what you set out to do in life?

Is this new move taking me in that direction?

Or...hopefully, how proud you are to come so far.

Those questions, taking inventory of what you own physically and mentally. 

Sometimes I'm more surprised about what I throw away and how I have moved on from finding value in certain things like...cards, or photos, or stuffed animals.

Today was very important to me. I feel that I have fought very hard to be who I am today. All these "moves" represent brilliant new chapters in my life.  A great book that has had many stories of friendship, love, heartache, family and much much more. But most of all its a story about strength and determination. Never giving up on your dreams, no matter how much the odds are against you. 

I have to admit, there were times that I was so lost and depressed. No amount of past success could have given me motivation to pick up and continue the fight. But...I did.

So, as I sit here looking at my life- packed in cardboard boxes, I find happiness knowing that I enjoyed how tactile ending this chapter was. Touching every moment of my life, thus far, with my hands. Appreciating how far I have come and how truly great I have yet to be. 

Goodbye Natasha...You were beautiful star

The acting community recently mourned the loss of beautiful actress and Broadway star, Natasha Richardson. In a matter of days, hours and fleeting moments- she was taken from her loved ones in the most tragic way. One second she was up and fine, then the next gone. 

I got to thinking about how life is short and precious- and that no one is above God and destiny. 

So many of us live our lives in fear and hate, until tragedy comes knocking at our doorstep- then the proverbial "light" turns on. We scurry to "live" life to its fullest, take risks, fear nothing and love harder.

But- why? I ask. 

Why do we wait for some divine intervention- to wake up and see that we control that "light". 

I have always been someone who believes you must love, live and be as much as you possibly can today...because tomorrow may never come. 

If your life ended today- would you be happy with how you lived? Would there be something you wish you said- or wish you did?

Then- GO....DO IT!

Fear is irrelevant. Happiness is open for interpretation and you have....this precious gift- that must be used to its full potential. And, yes. Sometimes life is full of hard decisions, but if you don't make those decisions to be happy with your life- then whats the point. You are living for others and not yourself. Give love to others- but be selfish with your journey. 

When the lights went out on Broadway last night. It was not only an homage to Natasha Richardson. But an homage to life- a reminder that it is precious and short...so go live!

 

My Inspiration

The song is called "Swim" by Jacks Mannequin

 

I heard it the other night randomly in the car.

It resonated and called out to me- word by word- and gave me the courage to keep fighting

Fighting because, giving up is not an option right now- and like all of us at some point, we have come too far and worked way to hard- to simply give up. 

Ill be the first to admit that Im starting to sound a bit depressed (forgive me)- and Im sure I'll start bloging about things more upbeat, but until then. You are all along for the ride. 

I have attached the lyrics- and added it to my play list for your enjoyment. PS, I could only find this version online to add- so its got the weird intro. Check out the album version- its fantastic!

David

Life is a Country Song

These days have been tough and trouble's far from gone

The cash in my pocket cant buy me a coke, 

something tells me somethings wrong

How can the world be broke

The news get worse every day, people losing homes, jobs and sanity

I pray there is there a cure for our recession,

before it takes hold of my neighbor and me

I'm walking down main street and barely recognize my friends

smiles have turned to frowns

help me pick love up off the ground

I'm running down main street trying to save myself

Left my dog and pickup truck behind, 

its every man for himself

The American dream is lost in a cloud of banks and prayers

A new hero arises, a hope

A challenger of ney sayers

Our colors never run they say, 

But Im watching old glory fade away

Time moves in slow motion, but the rugs are pulled much faster

I want to stop reading, but im intrigued by this disaster

I'm running down Main Street trying to save myself

Ive left grandma behind and stole her cookie jar

The cash could buy me a bus ticket 

Only hope I dont smike it or stop at the local bar

I'm running down Main Street picking up pieces to save

Hoping that it all wont end up in a government grave

It may be broken but its mine, my Kennedy castle

Ill wake up and live, without tribulation and hastle.

The Journey Continues

I have decided that the fear of the unknown has become irrelevant in my life.

Most people have fear of change, taking that first step, or even doing something that they might fail at. I am none of those. Over the course of the last two years, I have been through so much agonizing change (coupled with heartache, broken friendships and plenty of alcohol) that I think that the unknown has become a bit of a comfort. Sometimes- the only thing that has been consistent, has been change. 

Now, on the eve of more change in my life, I find myself in these weird "slow motion" movie moments- where I'm purposely making mental notes of simple freedoms and things that I know I will miss very soon. 

I am moving in about 2 weeks- and what makes matters worst- is I don't know where to, or with who. I'm picturing some crazy journey that is a delicious blend of "My own Private Idaho" and "The Pursuit of Happiness".  Those couldn't be anymore opposite of movies- but I think its appropriate. A struggle of hope and destiny- a young gay man holds on to nothing but the clothes on his back and his dreams...i can see it now!

I think by my next blog I will have more foresight on my journey. Until then...pray for me!

For those of you who dont know- The Fashion Industry has pretty much been a big part of my life for many years now. The whole thing completely gets me starry eyed everytime I think about it!

About 2 years ago a good friend of mine, photographer Adam Bouska, asked me to style a shoot and the rest was history! Ill be the first to admit im a novice and have huge room for improvement- but its a best hobby I can have.  I hope to get shooting again- and do somthing more editorial vs. commercial.

The second photo (gray sweater) is with "Bre" from Americas Next Top Model, The diamond photo was for a jeweler in Beverly Hills, and the girl on the bed was for a line called "True Love & False Idols".

-Let me know your thoughts!