It Gets Better

When I was about 12 years old and still in middle school I was a pretty normal kid. I attended a private Catholic School, was on the volleyball team and got pretty decent grades. I was also the son of a captain in the National Guard and church going mother. I was the oldest of the three kids and I was the man of the house when my parents were not around or at work. It was about that same time when I realized my parents were silently going through a divorce and I was pressured to step in where I could. But above all that pressure there was something else that was weighing heavy on me.

I was coming to terms with my sexuality – and that I was gay.

The next few years were tough. Upon starting high school – my parents enrolled me into an all-boys private catholic school and I went face to face with the politics of being different even if I didn’t know exactly what that difference was. To the school bullies- it was because I didn’t like PE, that I didn’t play football or that I wasn’t smoking pot in the bathroom. To them any deviation from what they thought was “normal”- was gay. So there for since I hated football, always skipped PE and didn’t smoke- I was labeled gay. The irony was that I always had a girlfriend and always showed up to school dances with a gorgeous gal in tow. But- somehow, there was always something for them to pick on or to tease me about.

No matter what the mockery of the day was- I was ultimately teased that I was gay.

Fast forward to a KFC in Southern California and there I am “coming out” to my best gal pal and college roommate Stacie. In the months that followed I came out to my sister, my mom and then the world. I was gay and it was the most exhilarating moment of my life!

The best part was- I was still doing everything that I wanted to do- being the person that I wanted to be and living the life that I wanted to live. That so called “different” part of me faded away into the shadows of the man that I was becoming and the career that I was beginning to focus on. I was living life on my own terms. Those bullies in high school were a thing of the past and had no control over the young man I was growing into, a young man that would make any mother and father proud.

The recent suicides of teenagers across the United States, has saddened my heart beyond any form of explanation. As a writer I feel it comes easy to me to write and share my feelings – but on this particular subject- my heart is heavy and I find myself speechless. No child should ever have taken their lives because of teen bullying.

But now- like many who have come out to support. I am here to say “Things get better”.

They honestly do.

Against all my odds of being raised on a small island, a catholic family and the son of a military father- I survived that difficult time in my life. I didn’t let anyone get in my way of being a an older brother, an uncle to two amazing nephews, a writer, an artist, and all the other things in my life that I cherish the most and hold dear to my heart.

I never for one second allowed a bully to make me feel that my life was any less valuable as a human being. Whenever I was in doubt- I talked to family and to friends- and when that wasn’t enough- I prayed.

Weather the advice was small or large from friends. What was always so encouraging to me was seeing the sunrise the next morning- especially after a heavy night of thinking. I knew that with that sun- came a brand new day, another day to live and to make my dreams come true.

For anyone who has children- please take a moment to talk to your kids about teen bullying and all these recent deaths. Not only because they were gay- or perceived as being gay- but because it is our duty to teach our children to embrace peoples differences and to live a life filled with basic human dignity and respect for others.

For anyone who is going through a tough time and your feeling lost- please know there are people you can talk to just a phone call away. If you ever want to talk to me- email me here. I know you feel like things are hard, hopeless or too dark for you too see. But trust me when I say this- There is light at the end of the tunnel- and most importantly... love. Hang in there. We are here to help you get through this.

Call The Trevor Project at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or visit the Trevor Project online at

www.thetrevorproject.org

It Gets Better… I promise.

David

Gay is the New Black

Every now and then I get that curious itch in my side and wander the "missed connections" category section of Craigslist.

I often think that maybe- just maybe- that love of my life has crossed paths with me and was too shy to say anything. Then, because he just cant stop thinking of me- he hurls himself towards the computer to write a witty yet sweet blurb about how we crossed paths and hes been searching for me ever since then.

Admit it- you've done this a few times. Its fun.

More often than not - I'm more entertained by the other random encounters that other people have - and where they took place.

"saw you at the stop light at Robertson and Santa Monica- you were driving the Porsche, I was in the green Toyota. We crossed eyes- had a connection. If this is you- what color tank top was I wearing?"

Yes- the gay fairytale indeed. Did they find each other? Did they have a connection? Do they both read the "Missed Connections"?

As I continued my search for my own personal Knight In Shining Craigslist- I came across a posting I had never encountered.

"Straight Guy Seeks Gay Friend- Strictly Platonic" ( yes, I read those too )

The posting continued to explain that this mid thirties writer in LA, straight and gay friendly, has come in and out of friends- and has now realized how none of them have ever been gay.

He continued to explain that he is not homophobic, and is quite social with gay men at work ( hes a writer ) but - for some reason or another- he hasn't had any personal friends- that are gay. Hence- he is seeking some new ones.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK!?

I find myself overly entertained- happy, and concerned for our species. ( insert chuckle here )

After a history of suffering inequality, shame and many countless seasons of Will & Grace- its official. We have become the ultimate accessory.

Have Straight men now discovered the "Power of The Gay"?

For years we have been the arm candy to many Single Women, Fag Hags, Gorgeous models, Celebrities and Reality Show stars- but now - things have reached a brand new high... the acquiring of "The Alpha Male Mate".

It all makes sense I guess.  I have long been the best wing man to many of my timid straight guy friends - and since girls love gay guys- its an easy transition for any "straight" going for the kill on a Friday night. Its like holding a litter of French Bulldog puppies in front of an all girls school... at lunch. Done and done.

But what do we get in return? Social acceptance or wrongful social positioning? Gay men are not accessories- we are people too! We must be careful to have the right intentions when befriending someone. After all... I wouldn't be friends with a hot Blondie girl just because she would attract other cute gay guys would I? Or Have I?

So to the dear seeker of gay companionship- be warned. You have a great gift- should you find a cool gay friend to be part of your socially incomplete circle of friends. Treat him kind- always stand up for him and use your new wing man powers with caution- they are great!

And oh yeah- Don't feed him too much alcohol after midnight or else you'll be back to square one...

trying to get some drunk bitch off you that is trying to give you dirty drunk blow jobs.

cheers.

RE IN VENTION (4G)

Goodness it seems like forever since I wrote anything. In the last month I celebrated my 34th birthday (All hail to the Virgos) and officially started to furninsh my new but- old apartment- FINALLY. I have been in sort of a thought process- of what I wanted to do next. Well- now that that shiz is all done and said- things are really starting to kick into gear.

I have have been working hard to finish my book- but also have some other things I am trying to bang out before the end of the year. So keep your fingers crossed for me and accept my most humble apology for being so quiet lately.

The flood gates are about to bust open!!!

Prop 8- A Call For Better Gays

August 4th 2010 will go down in history as one of the defining moments in the gay civil rights movement.

U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker ruled that Prop 8 ( which only allowed marriage to be between a man and a woman ) was unconstitutional.

Walker went on to rule that " Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same sex couples."

These words (and his ruling) were quite validating to me - an enormous sigh of relief. As if I was hearing this for the first time from the mouth of Harvey Milk in the late 70's- telling me that Im "normal". That I too can engage in the act of ultimate commitment in love- and get married. That the world would recognize my union- and I like my straight counterparts- we would be equals.

What a simple concept. To be equal in love.

Later that day, I attended a "Celebration Rally" in West Hollywood . A couple hundred people gathered  in a small park to celebrate our huge victory and to hear words of inspiration "first"- as this defining moment in gay civil rights- happened before our eyes.

But what was louder than al the cheers and excitement - were the comments from two friends of mine. One of them sent me a text saying " I left to the bar cause the speeches were boring" and my other friend who was there with me was making jokes about how "the crowd sucked cause everyone was taken- and how hed rather be at the gym".

I felt rather beside myself.

How can our community still be apathetic- even in thick of all the action? Why wasnt the crowd bigger?

Now- to be fair- not everyone is an activist, or into politics, or hell- even caring. But I think its time that as gay men we take a closer look at the image we convey to not only ourselves- but to eachother as well.

Like any culture- we have history and a struggle- though filled with hate, discrimination and inequality- everyday someone out there is fighting to make our lives a better one. So that the future of our community can be less and less of what it used to be- and a more of one filled with love and equality.

How can we do this? The answer is simple- by supporting the community. By showing up to a small rally- you not only celebrate our victory, you celebrate the people who did the tireless work for you and your future. By donating to a charity- time or money supports those who cant do it all. And most importantly- being the best example of who you are for the community. Because- no matter where you are- you are a representative of who we are, where we are going and who we have yet to be.

Leap of Faith or Fall to Death?

In life- we are faced with many challenges. Often times its with our careers, our realtionships, and our family. More often than not- those challenges present a crossroad to which we must choose a direction.

Do I choose a college on the east or west coast?

Do I want to have a baby?

Do I quit my job to follow my dreams?

Do I wanna get married?

Do I want to end my relationship?

These are many examples of some key decisons that we have had to make- or will have to make in our lives. The answer to those questions will have a profound effect on us forever.

But- before any of those decisions are made there is the... moment.  The moment that you are truely convinced to go with your gut instinct, trust the divine power of The Universe and choose Door A from Door B.The moment that you decide to take the "Leap of Faith".

But how often are we brave enough to choose The Road Less Travelled?

Not many people will ever be brave enough to do this- or are even comfortable thinking about the possibility of change. They will be stuck in a dead end job instead of going after thier dreams, they will doubt thier love and never propose and they will stay in the small town instead of leaving to educate in a big city.

If we look back at all the times that we have made big decisions based on a leap of faith- one can see that these are inspiring moments. Not just for us personally- but also for for the world. What would life be like if Scientists, Policticians, Activists and Educators- feared following that voice from within that said- "This is crazy and has never been done before- BUT I must do it!" Our advancements in life, technology and education would be simple, uninspiring and mediocore.

We must continue to challenge ourselves to never fear decision and take MANY "Leaps of Faith". If we trust the Universe- we will become fearless. The Universe will never fail in bringing you happiness and success. Afterall- dont we all deserve to have great things happent to us in life? Would you ever say to anyone "I dont deserve anything better than what I already have?"

NO!

Then allow yourself to make decisions based on DESERVING HAPPINESS and NOT fear! Take that leap of faith!

Those my friends... are words to live by.

Take a moment to be grateful

Big or small- there are so many things in life that one should be grateful for. Our family, the food we eat, the car we drive and the lover we come home to. The little things are almost always taken for granted. Be grateful- be thankful.

We get so caught up in life that we forget that- tomorrow is not guaranteed to us- and that we must live (and love) everyday like its our last.

So for just a second- call someone you love. Thank your best friend for being just that and try- just try to do somthing fearless today. After all- what do you really have to lose?

My bid for a show on Oprah

I will be the first to admit that June was a busy month. I didnt post a blog - not even once. The great news is that I was working on some pretty exciting things- one of them being that I submitted a video to Oprah.com for a spot on reality show for the new Oprah Winfrey Network- OWN!

I must admit I took my time on getting the idea and concept together- and two weeks into the online competition- I submitted my video. You had to ( In 3 minutes or less ) talk about your show concept and show the producers what makes you special- different! Why should you have your own show with Oprah! I went with what I knew best- love. My muse in life. I wanted to create a show that scoured the US for REAL love stories by real people- and share those with America. Im tired of seeing shows about Bachellors and cheaters and makeovers- I want to inspire people to fall in love again. Not only with great love stories- but with interviews with singers and songwriters about love- novelist's and heck even greeting card writers. I want to remind everyone that - Love does exist still.

Well- with the gusto and determination last seen on me in my college years as I ran for student body president- I submitted my video and launched an all out campaign to get votes and me onto this new show. I called in every favor to spread the word, Twittered, Facebooked, MySpaced, shook hands and kissed babies! I even got another story written about me in Pacific Daily News on Guam. I was a man determined. I was also a man with a sore throught!

In the end it was a noble journey ending with a little over 1000 votes and the blessings of many people wanting to see me succeed. That alone was gratifying. As of today- I sit and wait to see if I get a call- one of 40 people will be chosen to meet and draw the cast down to 10. I will update as soon as hear anything.

Wish me luck.

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=14148&promo_id=1