Living Up To Ken

For all the times that we have conversations with women and young girls about body image and perception- you rarely (if any at all) hear anything about the struggles of gay men living in their own subculture.

Being gay is hard- and having to live up to the expectations of looking like a Ken Doll can be just as overwhelming (if not worse) than the pressure a woman feels to be thin.

Case in point- as a young gay man- You are required to fulfill three things in your gay life: 

1. Be A Super Model: 

Look gorgeous, have a muscular physique, be tanned, well  groomed and well.... just pretty. This of course means that you must go to the spa, you must enroll in the best gyms and your MUST do yoga! I don't know what it is with gays and Yoga. I love it- but I don't get why every gay "does yoga".

2. Be Uber Social: 

Attend every party that is appropriate, go out on all the best nights of the week ( which is all 7 days incidentally) Know as many people as possible ( this includes having shit loads of friends on Twitter & Facebook) and of course have some sort of connection to a undisclosed circle of celebrity friends. (this is clearly for name dropping purposes- I'm almost sure of it) On top of that all- you also have to be able to get into the best straight clubs as well- knowing everyone, everywhere. This makes you a triple threat gay.

3. Have Money:

Because you are gay and have no kids ( your dogs don't count ) you have an endless supply of cash flow. This allows you to buy the best clothes, go to the best restaurants, and buy those damn $10 drinks at your local gay hot spot. Not to mention you must be able to travel. If you are not worldly- you are not able to speak the the pros of the globe trotter! 

I'm sure this list could be longer- but I think those are the highlights. Growing up in a subculture where most of the public gay figures are "perfect" is intimidating. Porn Stars, Gay Icons, Celebrity Gays ( in or out of closet) are all prefect seedlings of the Ken Doll. 

It makes one wonder why most gay men come off as "shallow". Well - there you go. 

Here is my next thought- GOD FORBID you age or gain weight! What then? Bring you out to pasture and kill you? Gay men are brutal and I can only imagine the answer to that question. 

At some point we must revisit our values and our future. Though getting married and having kids is a right we fight for currently- I beg to ask why we really want to? We already treat a relationship over three months like three years- a sort of gay fable if your will. Will having children really bring joy to our lives- or will we just use them as another way to spend our money. Even worse- will we judge or disassociate ourselves from the "Nesting Gay" because they - don't party with us anymore? No wonder I feel that some gay guys don't like to associate themselves with the gay scene. 

We are creating division within our community. This is bad.

Only time will tell - how we grow and change. It is my hope that we become aware of our standards that we have set for our community and change the perception of what its like to be a gay man. You don't have to be anything but yourself to be an individual- and being gay shouldn't add anymore pressure on you to be anything but what you want to be.

Live the life that you want and not what others expect you to be.