Life Rehab

This morning I woke up to my first real day off in a very long time. Heavy with thoughts on going forward in life and the deep appreciation for how far I have come- I threw some clothes on and headed to Starbucks for my morning ritual- a Venti drip with room for cream. 

For a $1.90, three magic minutes of sugar pouring and more half and half than i should be allowed, I firmly grasp the hot paper cup and take a deep breath of the coffee fumes. Like a person with OCD- I quickly arrange the hole of the lid to face the logo on the cup and shift the coffee sleeve to line up with both of them.

The first sip is always the best. I mentally unload anything that clouds my thoughts and for ten or fifteen minutes- the only relationship I have is with the mermaid on the cup. I stare at her at least a dozen times. Sip- stare- walk- repeat.

Today is a different day because my feet, though tired from being a city walker, will take me to a peace I haven't had in a while. They will take me- the mermaid and my coffee to happiness. This happiness comes from being able to breathe in life and enjoy the fruits of my labor and the great fortune that the universe has brought to my life. Today my feet take me on a long walk home- down Hollywood Boulevard to take in the day-just beginning. 

I am now walking so far away I must turn the corner to head home- reminding myself I have to buy eggs on the way back as well- I head to the grocery store. My absorption of the day and the crisp morning air and cool breeze has me mentally gone.

As I walk up the street and young guy is waiting on the side, bag in tow and hat on ever so sloppy- but intends it to almost hide him from the day. My curiosity has me quickly stare at him - then glance away before he misunderstands my intentions. I can feel him staring back and look up to call his bluff.

"Oh my gosh" He says with a mumble and we hug.  "Its been a while" I respond. 

The next two minutes are filled with an awkward hi and hello of sorts. I literally rolled out of bed and hate seeing anyone out- especially if its an old friend. He too mumbled through some stuff- only to later admit the location he was waiting at was part of his Rehab counselling. 

Steve (which is not his real name- but I respect his privacy with this issue) is a model that I had met 3 years ago at a photoshoot- a cool guy, good looking and a party guy. I was never really close with him- but we hung on occasion. Steve was interesting because, I knew that he was one of those guys that had a heart of gold- but was so consumed in "LA" and being a model- that you could barely recognize him, even if he was your own son or brother. 

We sat on a step as we waited for his ride to pick him up. Steve was heavy with life happening to him and it showed all over his face. With every word he spoke and every sentence he uttered- It was clear he was scared and humbled- but yet still untrusting of what I would think of him. For the next 20 minutes, he told me his story.  As the minutes passed I couldn't help but stare at every part of his face- searching for clues as to what he's been through.  He had gained some weight- but I think that's normal for someone going through drug rehab. I continued to stare at him and in my head create a different story about how far he has come.

It takes allot for someone to through rehab and realize that they have a problem- some people are almost convinced- as he was -that he could not come clean. On top of that- here he was with the gift of being sober and "awake" with life, it was blinding. 

His hands were a bit shaky and unmanicured. His smile was filled with a bit of happiness to tell his story, but still unnerved with what Id think. His veneers reminded me of who he was and what the city had done to him. My heart sank with a deep understanding of the journey that he was still far from ending- but here was. A welcomed stranger on his lonely road to redemption- giving him support.

Steve and I eventually said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. He walked me to the corner and gave me a hug goodbye. His hug was tight and almost fearful of letting go. Normally this creeps me out- but I knew where it was coming from. 

As we walked away I turned around and said to him "Don't take on everything at once...do it in baby steps!" He smiled and said "Thank you"

As I walked away I realized that the Universe is funny in the way it works- bringing people in and out of our lives. Sometimes to move forward in our lives and sometimes to be a friendly smile and a hug- when we think that all hope is lost.

We each carry a great burden in this crazy life- to make something of ourselves. Some people get lost in the crowd and some people get consumed by life's little guilty pleasure- some people don't even dare to dream bigger than the cards they are delt. But what we don't know- is that we all have the power to change our course and no matter how horrible of a past we come from...

"the past does not dictate who we are today"

I dedicate this blog to Steve- may you have the courage and strength to continue your journey to recovery and rebuilding. Know that the world never gives you anything that you cannot handle.