A Year in Review & A Hug To Go With It!

Happy Holidays I assume is the appropriate thing to say at this point. The weather has been getting more and more crisp, the holiday decor has been creeping its way into every shopping mall, and every now and then, I can hear a holiday tune. Where has all the time gone, I ask myself. In a matter of a week we will celebrate Thanksgiving Day and shortly after that Christmas, and not to over embellish the captain obvious role Im taking- but yes- then we roll in the new year.


In 2009 the world has seen some amazing things like the first black President of the US take office, seen the first Hispanic Woman take seat on the Supreme Court and more importantly a shift in thought- globally. We are people on the verge of great and new things. This year has also brought us some unprecedented hard time and sorrow. We lost many iconic people in the music and entertainment industry like Michael Jackson, DJ AM, Farrah Fawcett- that list goes on and on. On top of that- All the horrible tragedies world wide that seem to consume the news every time I turn it on. Then there's  the meltdown of our economy, the recession and out country's struggle to survive. Oh and- Hello Swine Flu- the last great panic attack of the people and the more than likely the profit of the drug industry- somebody buy me some stock in hand sanitizer!!!


Our country needs the holiday... if anything to regroup- an sincerely be "thankful" - to be reminded of what we need to value most- our family. To love unconditionally because tomorrow is not guaranteed- to value each other, because at the end of the day, thats all we have. To give effort into reviving the common decency- as we support each other as Americans, as Human Beings everyday- no matter who we are, what we do and where we live. The return of the smile and hello as you pass each other on the sidewalk. We need the holiday cheer, we all need to smile and let a little happiness into our life. This year has been rough.


Maybe my pipe dream is getting the best of me but- I just think it will all do us some good. So, remember folks. In some way, shape, or form- we all have had a crazy 2009. So lets take a moment to be human for a moment, be kind, and be filled with love. Only good things can happen if we do. 

Looking Back at Being A 20 Something.

When I was a "20 something" - and all the world was my oyster, I used to think that I was very mature. Id appreciate the company of older friends or co-workers and felt wholeheartedly that I related much more to them- than my peers.

But- as I started to bleed that theory into my dating life, or career, or school- It would only be a matter of time before I got the "Your so young" conversation, which was usually piggy backed by the "When you turn 30, everything changes" conversation. I used to be so annoyed by those talks and hated defending my old soul and maturity.

Thirty Three amazing years later- I look back in retrospect and agree with everything that everyone said. I truly knew nothing.

Now- I oddly finding myself surrounded by many young guys with similar thoughts- struggling to prove they are indefinitely more mature than we "older" guys make them out to be. Begging for an opportunity to prove that they are the exception to the common twenty year olds and must be given a chance. But- as we all know- there is no such thing- or is there?

Can it be possible to meet a younger person (man or woman) who is wise beyond their age. Responsible beyond their means- or "lived" beyond their experience? In my opinion- No. But I'm open to hearing stories of this Lockness Monster.

I believe that life has a funny way of changing you- and most importantly teaching you about things that cannot be learned without trial and error. The most important lessons I have learned in life were learned through mistakes I made,  hurt I felt and tears I have cried. Now- of course there were things I learned as well through the wisdom of parents and friends- but none were nearly as life changing as things I went through all on my own.

I hear myself turning into the crazy preacher I hated explaining with conviction that "Life will teach you more about yourself, your strength, and who you ultimately be as a person." Eyes then roll and I shrug it off with a laugh- but I know Im doing my part.

So as I continue to grow and learn (cause it never ends) the best thing that I can do, is continue the cycle of advice, and urge them to be true to themselves- no matter what people tell them. One day they will be thirty three and remember me- and all I said, or what I tried to say.

Zodiac Cocktail?

When I was a young chap- I really didn't pay too much attention to details about somebody's sign. It was always know to me as that cheesy pick up line that guys asked girls at bars "What's your sign" they guy with the creepy mustache and polyester suit would ask. I never in a million years would have thought that it would be anything of substance- or interest. 


As I got older I began to read my horoscope in Cosmo and Vogue like every other young man in his teenage years does (insert laugh here) - and began to wonder what exactly does being a Virgo (me) , or a Gemini, or Libra mean- or what the hell a Zodiac is exactly ? It wasn't till about 5 years ago that I really started to "read" into it- and it was all pretty interesting.


Now, some of my friends over the years have criticized my beliefs - even going so far as to call me a hippy- but its all good. After all I was born in the 70's and my parents did love The Beatles and were hippies. Well- maybe not real hippies- my dad did smoke weed and and my mom did wear bell bottoms.  So that opinion I will take with a smile.


As I continued my reading into peoples signs and the understanding of the Zodiac - the most interesting thing that I found was the commonality of personal traits that most signs share. As a Virgo - it says that I am an extremely detailed person (yes) - That Leo's need to be the center of attention (oh yes)- and that Libra's are unable to make decisions (double yes) - dated one. Its all pretty interesting- but I suggest dumping the Cosmo Girl and hitting up sites like Astro.com and Soulgarden.tv- better at all the details. Knowing your sexual position preference for the month does not count as a great horoscope read.


Even more compelling is the reason why certain signs are not compatible together. This information can be great for dating and office strategy- it kinda explains why some people you are more excited to be around- and why you just wanna push some in front of a bus! Either way- its a great read.


So when you are not having a great month- or wondering why your roommate makes his bed like a marine or even why some people cant choose a restaurant (ever)- ask them what their sign is, it will explain it all!


Cheers to understanding yourself and the crazy people around you.

Im Ready For My Close Up... Or Am I?

In the last two days I had the privilege and pleasure of working on a reality show (as a cast member) - all the details I cannot go into- mostly cause I'm bound by what looked like a short novel of contracts that spell out- word for word- that I cannot even piss on the sidewalk about the outcome or game day strategy. But, it was a pleasure.

I will say that after all this is said and done- I have a funny feeling that things will change a little bit in my life. Worst case scenario- I end up a sound bite on Talk Soup - which wouldn't be bad- considering that I will do anything to be in the same room with Joel McHale.

What's more exciting about this whole experience is that I got the opportunity to work on "that side" of LALA Land- Not bad for only living in Hollywood for 6 months. That is what everyone is here to do after all.

Now- to be completely honest- I have never had any dreams or expectations about being an actor or living the Hollywood life. BUT- who wouldn't want to be a celebrity- or someone you can Google- and have more than your Facebook show up on that list. So yeah- I had a bit of a Twinkle in my eye.

I have to say that after the whole thing was said and done- I was exhausted. I don't understand how actors- or celebrities do it. Walking away from the day- I had this weird perception of what was actually reality- and what was sort of a "forced concept-based loosely on real life"- it was a weird car crash of perceptions. No wonder Britney doesn't know fat from thin and Jessica doesn't know Tuna from chicken. To be fair its also why Tome Cruise doesn't know gay from straight and Bill Clinton didn't know Monica from Hillary. There is complete disconnect from actual reality that eventually occurs. Well- for Bill it could have been allot more... I'm just saying.

Maybe I'm thinking about this too much. But - none the less- there I was replaying every moment of my "on camera" time and wondering- how - just how this is all going to play out when it inevitably airs next year. Yeah... next January 2010.

Until then, I hope that I can battle the demon "1o pounds" that the camera will eventually put on and hope that I don't (or they don't) create something out of nothing.... that I said or, didn't say... you get where I'm going with this.

The anticipation will kill me. I hope that my friends will still be my friends after all is said and done. Until then, I will secretly live the next 3 months incognito as this the boy next door. However, I will slowly and sure begin to audit all my Facebook friends, public photos and slim back on any one nights stands- you know, for my image.

I kid, I kid.

Stephen Gately

When I was a teenager, I was (and still am) a huge fan of pop music- but most of all the songwriters behind popular like Carol King, Deborah Gibson and The Beatles to name a few. Songwriters have a unique gift in music making that I appreciate hugely. The ability to not only bring poetic justice to words- but also to create a body of music and lyrics that can ultimately be classic, mainstream, and most of all relevant to the times- is a gift.

These people are the unsung hero's- the "man behind the curtain" so to speak - and if they are talented enough - the voice as well. A triple threat in my opinion to be able to sing, write and arrange a song that can be - moving. Beautiful.

Today another one of the talented army of singers, songwriters and genuinely good people passed away at 33. His name is Stephen Gately. Stephen wasn't grand like Michael Jackson or a pioneer like Carol King- but in his own right- significant and to me important.

Stephen is one part of a UK Pop group called Boyzone. The group is huge in the Uk and Stephen in his own right has accomplished many awards, and conquered stage and film- and of course the music industry. In 1999, Stephen shocked the music world when he came out of the closet and in 2006 he married his boyfriend Andrew Cowles in a civil union.

What makes Stephen a figure in my life is not that he's a singer, or that he's gay, or that he's a celebrity- but because he is a man that "lived life on his own terms and according to the way he wanted to be happy- no matter what people said."

That my friends is the purpose of this very blog- being true to yourself- no matter what people say. The reason I wear Vans to a Gucci party (as figurative and truthful as that is) - is because- life is about being who you are- and NOT what people tell you to be.

Stephen and I are the same age- and it is shocking to me to be reminded that life can end any day. This in itself is a call to action- to live life to its fullest. To be fearless and to not waste a single moment thinking about what you could do- and just do it!

I mourn the passing of Stephen - but celebrate the life he lead and the example he set for young gay men like me.

Rest in peace Stephen- your music will live on in my heart and life. To his husband Andrew- you are in my prayers and know your loss is not in vain. Stephen brought life, love, music and inspiration to many people in this world.

*Note: I added one of his song to my playlist for you to enjoy. The name of the song is "I Believe"- a great song that speaks to how people should live their life each day. After is a song from his group Boyzone called "No Matter What"- also with great relevance.

Let Go Your Cosmic Ball & Chain!

In life we come across so many people. Some we pass on the street, some we work with - and some we call friends. Over the course of our lives some will leave us, some will pass on and - some if they are great enough will fill your life with happiness every chance you get to see them.

Sometimes you meet people that change your life the moment you meet them.

Yesterday I had the most amazing conversation with a guy I had just met over the weekend at work. We really hit it off and ending up having dinner together.

What was so amazing about it was - that he and I - no matter how little we knew about each other (and our paths in life ) - we had this crazy understanding of where each other came from- where we were going and the tears of love and heart break that brought us to that very moment.

I have never met anyone with such a parallel life- that was so similar to mine.

We got to talking about how sometimes there are people (or how we are those people) who cannot let go of a past relationship that we have had. That no matter where your were in life... that person pops into your dreams- you text them randomly- you run into a mutual friend, etc. etc.- and we ask ourselves why cant we let go?

Is there some sort of spiritual ball and chain that has you and them bound still to each other? When one lets go- its still not enough- until there is cosmic closure.

So I got to asking myself about all the people that I have bound to my "cosmic ball and chain" Why do I still think of them? Why do I still want them in my life? Should I let them go?

why... why... why???- and with one deep breathe I pulled out a mental piece of paper and released a couple names back into the world.

You see, the important point that my friend was trying to get across to me today was this:

When we are born into this life- we have nothing and when we leave we have nothing. So being able to let go of things like relationships, furniture, photos, and even feelings like grudges should be enthralling- liberating- invigorating.

Let it all go and start all over- a rebirth of sorts- and see how you feel. After all- at the end of the day... it's just stuff. Right?

Job Hunting or Life Hunting

When you are in your thirties- starting anything over is questionable. You become a creature of habit. Weary of anything that is dramatic or turbulent- i.e. relationships, people, and careers.

When you are a thirty three year old man who has worked in retail for a good part of your life- the word "good" being the understatement of your vocabulary- you are what some would say type casted.

Are you any better than the last job you worked? Are you a bankable investment of an employee? Most importantly- Can you (and Sandra Bullock) recover from the last string of bad movies (or jobs) that you had? Can you become as great as you once were?

I found myself wandering Robertson Boulevard today - motivated and eager to work amongst the coolest retailers again. I want o work in luxury, I want to work in fashion and I want to work only 5 days a week and be off by 6p.m. everyday. Okay- maybe that last one was a stretch- but it was worth a shot. The point is I know what I want and it is a non-negotiable that I settle for anything less.

I find myself struggling with what people must think of the last couple jobs I have had. As if i can just hear what people are saying about me- judging- like I cant get my act together. The truth is- I have put 200% into every job I have had- like all the others. I know that i shouldn't care about what people think- but when you are a Virgo who scrutinizes your life by every detail- you are your worst enemy. I feel as if I'm explaining myself to my readers- and I know that's not necessary. But- I seriously just wanna work on things that are more fun like love, traveling, christmas, etc. You get where Im going with this.

So- with a heavy heart and a cup full of ambition- I say to myself " Let's do this". I think that I win the award for "Most Diligent"- when I think of the crap I've been through in the last two years, I seriously wonder why I haven't become an alcoholic!

So today is October 2nd 2009- I gave myself the month-31 days- to make change. As of day 2, I am hopeful.

To be continued.